Falling Is Flying
by calleighstorres
Summary: Whilst Calleigh is a coma, Ryan rethinks what happened and his relationship with her. Set in Season 7. Ryan's POV for 'When Smoke Gets In Your CSIs' (reimagined) & bits of 'Backfire' [8.20]. Spoilers included. Kinda CaRWash.


**( Disclaimer: I don't own CSI MIAMI :p ) **

**/ Contains spoilers for "Going Under"**

* * *

_Dodging bullets_

_Never felt like this_

_Anything they throw at us_

_Let them take their best shoot_

* * *

He'd told her they needed to get out of the house. He reached out to her, and she walked away. Ryan knew it was stupid of her. She could die in this place and they'd been hacking at the floor boards trying to get out. When she disappeared from his line of sight, he grimaced with anxiety.

Ryan trusted Calleigh, he always had.. but this, this was going to get them both killed.

* * *

_Burning brighter_

_So much stronger_

_With you_

_With you_

* * *

He made sure he got his final words before she was wheeled into the ambulance on the gurney. He'd been concerned. When the paramedics told him to back off, he wasn't sure what to do. Throw something. Kick something. Either way, he was angered. He couldn't do anything about her condition. It was with her he felt at his best.

* * *

_When the world_

_Starts crashing down_

_I will be here_

_No bailing out_

_I will let you know_

* * *

Staring at her from the doorway, he didn't know if he could bring himself to look upon her limp body. He'd pray if he had to. Anything to ensure she would wake up. Ryan wouldn't know what to do if she flatlined now. He still felt guilty in the first place. Even though she was trying to do what was right, she put herself in a critical condition and he wasn't sure if that was the right thing or not.

* * *

_Falling is Flying_

_'cause you give me wings_

_Finally I see_

_I'll fall into you_

_If you fall into me_

* * *

Calleigh Duquesne was the one person who hadn't doubted him when he was new. Even though she resented him like Delko did at first, she eventually got used to him being around and showed him the ropes. They became great friends. And that was a friendship that could never be replaced.

She made him feel like he belonged when he felt he didn't.

* * *

_Have a little faith_

_Even if the ground's shaking_

_Even when your hope's fading_

_I'll hold on and_

_I'll never let you go_

* * *

He didn't recognise her so pale. So still. Ryan put on this brave face, but truly, he cared about what happened to her. In case she didn't ever wake up. He wasn't always pessimistic however deep down he always had his doubts about things. He'd lost people before. Some close, others not so much. Either way, it still affected him.

When Alexx came, he left and didn't look back.

* * *

_Falling is Flying_

_'cause you give me wings_

* * *

He stood in the outside grounds of Miami Dade Memorial, pacing as he tried to comprehend his sudden exit from the doorway. Like he couldn't do it. He couldn't bare it. Ryan was about to cry and he couldn't let anyone see him cry. It was something he vowed on. Ryan wiped his eyes with his sleeve and paced about for the moment, still thinking of Calleigh.

* * *

_« You give me wings »_

_If I had one wish_

_I would wish for you_

_Come a little closer_

_There's something that_

_You need to hear_

* * *

Ryan was in the lab running tests in trace. He paused and looked to the door. An imagination of Calleigh walking in, asking her usual "Whatcha got?" as she leaned against the counter. God, he missed that more than he could put into words. Her southern accent. The scent of her perfume he could smell a mile away. Just her presence.

* * *

_I know_

_You know_

_Time will never_

_Get in between_

* * *

"-and Calleigh, I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks babe."

* * *

_When the world_

_Starts crashing down_

_I will be here_

_No bailing out_

_I will let you know_

* * *

"A killer is a killer."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Personally, no.. Professionally, yes - and besides, I'm still on the clock.. wanna ask me again in about an hour over a beer?"

* * *

_Falling is Flying_

_'cause you give me wings_

_Finally I see_

_I'll fall into you_

_If you fall into me_

* * *

If he said he wasn't somewhat into her, he'd be lying. She was a dream. Everything and so forth. Only, that was Delko's thing now. Hanging around Calleigh like a puppy. He was sure he'd have no chance. Especially since she had known Eric before she knew him. They were the supposed 'it' couple and everybody suspected something about them. But she'd just denied it when he'd asked.

Maybe he should've asked a different question. But he couldn't really make regrets now, she was in a coma and he couldn't go and see her as he had to catch the person behind almost setting them alight with the rest of the house.

* * *

_Have a little faith_

_Even if the ground's shaking_

_Even when your hope's fading_

_I'll hold on and_

_I'll never let you go_

* * *

They were somewhat closer than most colleagues. Go for dinner on a Friday, drinks on a Monday or a Wednesday depending on work schedules. Even though she was always the one to make ringchecks or cancel, he didn't mind. There was always 'next time', and as he saw it, a better chance to talk.

But when next time didn't come during a month, he would let it go. Ryan wasn't much of a believer.. though, he had faith in a few things. One of them being Calleigh. He believed in her and words she said. Words she'd use to try and cheer him up when he was down. Ones of wisdom that he didn't forget.

_« Falling is flying 'cause you give me wings »_

* * *

_You give me wings_

_(Yeah,yeah,yeah)_

_Falling is Flying_

_'cause you give me wings_

_I'll fall into you_

_If you fall into me_

_Have a little faith_

* * *

He trusted her with things. She had always hoped he would learn to open up. But truly, he never really did talk about himself any more than she did herself. It was a touchy topic, his past. Maybe he'd be ready to tell her why he is who he is today.. maybe.

Ryan could never find the words to say to her sometimes. Mainly because there was so much he wanted to say and such little time to do it. But actions spoke louder than words. Even an accidental touch made them both shiver. He hadn't wanted to admit it, but he got a funny feeling, one that he didn't really know how to describe.

* * *

_Falling is Flying_

_'cause you give me wings_

_Finally I see_

_I'll fall into you_

_If you fall into me_

* * *

Another hour after work, he was stood by the door of her hospital room as night was dawning. He had convinced himself to go see her. Because he felt bad about the guilt game. But who could he blame? Himself? Her respiratory problems? Her? The person who started the fire. That was the only valid answer that didn't involve either CSI.

Ryan cared about Calleigh, more than he ever let in on. A person would assume a colleague would show some sort of emotion when another is injured or put in a severe condition. To him, she was more than a co-worker. She was a friend. Even though they hadn't spent as much time together as they used to, it didn't guarantee that they weren't close. He still cared. And never hadn't cared.

* * *

_Have a little faith_

_Even if the ground's shaking_

_Even when your hope's fading_

_I'll hold on and_

_I'll never let you go_

* * *

Even from the first day he worked for CSI, he had shown empathy for her. Something she hadn't liked at first but had learnt to accept and thanked him. From that, he could tell that she didn't like opening up herself. So he refrained from asking anything personal however that didn't stop him from asking about her dad from time to time. Just to be sure. She had always assured him it was okay. He still worried though. But that was who he was.

He would hold on until the bond shattered into pieces he couldn't pick up. All for her.

* * *

_« Falling is Flying '__cause you give me wings »_

* * *

This wasn't him giving up, it was him coming to a realisation. One he had never really thought about during his time as a CSI. Why he held on. The reason he never left. Where his source of hope and faith came from.

That source was his line of work. What he comes into work to do. He does it for the follow through. The endgame. As a serve of justice for the victims. It didn't matter if they were criminals, law enforcement, civilians - when they were killed, they were still human. That's the point of it all. Justice is about what's right to avenge what has been wrongfully done.

Calleigh hadn't been one to give up. Even when times got hard. It's one of the things that inspired him. She had trained him to be a perfect CSI. And he'd made mistakes. Messed up a few too many times. Lost control. Yet she didn't resent him. Even if it took time for the acceptance of many apologies, she hadn't had the heart to fully resent him as a person. Because, hopefully, she cared too.

**"YOU GAVE ME WINGS" **


End file.
